Why Negotiation Is a Skill Anyone Can Learn
Most people believe that great negotiators are born, not made — that some individuals are simply wired with the charisma, boldness, and strategic instincts to get what they want in any room. But according to John Richardson and Attia Qureshi, authors of Never Settle: Persuasion and Negotiation Skills to Get What You Want, that belief is not only wrong — it's holding you back.
Richardson teaches negotiation at MIT's Sloan School of Management and previously at Harvard Law, where he was also an associate at the Harvard Negotiation Project. He co-authored foundational texts including Getting It Done with Roger Fisher and Alan Sharp, and Negotiation Analysis with Howard Raiffa and David Metcalfe. Qureshi is the founder of AQ Consulting, an adjunct professor at the University of Michigan's Ford School of Public Policy, and a former advisor to the U.S. State Department in active conflict zones. Together, they bring decades of real-world negotiation experience to one clear message: negotiation is a learnable skill, not a personality trait.
So what does it actually take to negotiate with confidence? Here are five foundational skills that Richardson and Qureshi say will transform how you handle every negotiation — whether you're closing a business deal, resolving a workplace conflict, or simply asking for what you deserve.
1. Treat Negotiation Like a Practice, Not a Performance
The biggest shift you can make in your negotiation mindset is to stop thinking of every negotiation as a high-stakes performance and start thinking of it as a practice session. Elite athletes and musicians don't wait for game day or concert night to develop their skills. They train constantly, often in low-pressure environments, breaking their craft down into its smallest components and repeating them until those movements become instinctive.
Richardson and Qureshi argue that negotiators must do the same. Find low-stakes situations — negotiating a cable bill, discussing timelines with a contractor, or even playful sparring at a farmer's market — and treat them as training grounds. The more often you practice the mechanics of negotiation outside of critical moments, the more composed and effective you'll be when it truly matters.
This approach removes the fear of failure from the equation. Every negotiation, successful or not, becomes valuable data. You learn what works, what doesn't, and how to recalibrate for next time.
2. Prepare Thoroughly Before You Sit Down
Confidence in negotiation rarely comes from natural talent. More often, it comes from preparation. Knowing your goals, understanding your alternatives, anticipating the other party's interests, and identifying the range of acceptable outcomes before the conversation begins gives you a psychological edge that no amount of charisma can replicate.
Preparation means more than rehearsing what you're going to say. It means researching the other party's position, understanding what they value, and identifying points of potential overlap. When you walk into a negotiation knowing not just what you want but why the other person might want it too, you stop feeling like an adversary and start feeling like a problem-solver — and that shift alone changes how you show up.
3. Listen More Than You Speak
One of the most counterintuitive negotiation skills is also one of the most powerful: listening. Many people enter negotiations so focused on delivering their pitch or defending their position that they miss critical information the other side is offering freely. What are their real concerns? What pressures are they operating under? What do they need to feel satisfied at the end of this conversation?
Active, intentional listening allows you to gather this intelligence in real time and use it to craft proposals that actually work for both parties. Skilled negotiators ask open-ended questions, resist the urge to fill silences, and treat every response as a window into the other person's priorities. When people feel genuinely heard, they become more willing to collaborate — and collaboration almost always produces better outcomes than confrontation.
4. Know Your BATNA — and Theirs
A concept central to principled negotiation is the BATNA: your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. Simply put, your BATNA is what you'll do if this particular negotiation falls through. Knowing your BATNA prevents you from accepting a bad deal out of desperation, and it gives you the confidence to walk away when necessary.
But equally important is understanding the other party's BATNA. What happens to them if no deal is reached? The weaker their alternative, the stronger your position. The more clearly you understand the full landscape of options — for both sides — the more strategically you can steer the conversation toward outcomes that serve you well without unnecessarily alienating the other party.
5. Stay Curious, Not Combative
Perhaps the most human of all the negotiation skills Richardson and Qureshi champion is the ability to stay genuinely curious rather than slipping into a combative stance when things get tense. Negotiations can stall, emotions can flare, and positions can harden. In those moments, the instinct for many people is to push harder or dig in deeper. But that approach rarely produces results.
Instead, skilled negotiators lean into curiosity. They ask "why" and "what would help you feel comfortable with this?" rather than "take it or leave it." They treat disagreement as a puzzle to solve together, not a battle to win alone. This mindset not only de-escalates tension but often reveals creative solutions that neither party had considered at the outset.
Start Negotiating Better Today
The insights at the heart of Never Settle are both practical and profound. Negotiation is not reserved for boardrooms and diplomats. Every day offers dozens of opportunities to practice the art of getting what you want while leaving others feeling respected and heard. The five skills above — deliberate practice, thorough preparation, active listening, BATNA awareness, and curious engagement — form a framework that works across every context, from salary discussions to parenting disagreements to international conflict resolution.
The authors' core message is one of empowerment: you don't need to be born with a silver tongue to negotiate with confidence. You need to be willing to learn, to practice, and to show up prepared. Start small, stay curious, and never settle for less than you deserve.